did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You made out with two different species that night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
