I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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