i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
