Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
