I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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