He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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