If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
