I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
