Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
