Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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