Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
