whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
