sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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