I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
