I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
