He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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