I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The power of my boobs compel you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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