like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My dad just said "fuck circus"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
