They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
