it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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