do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
