She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize