wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
