Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
