let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
tonight lets celebrate not being married
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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