a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
