update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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