Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
