I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
