I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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