he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
