He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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