Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
