Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
