Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
