When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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