My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize