i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
