I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
