Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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