Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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