He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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