I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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