Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
