Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
