she looked like the bat from fern gully.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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