You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
