I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
