my mouth tastes like poor choices
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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