The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
