I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my liver is dry heaving
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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