tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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