just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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