Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
