Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
