Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.