Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(254): View more from Texas

you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room

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(254): you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room http://tfl.nu/st2q

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(540): View more from Virginia

I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.

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(540): I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form. http://tfl.nu/y5wx

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!

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(405): I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh! http://tfl.nu/nhcn

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(334): View more from Alabama

She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.

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(334): She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard. http://tfl.nu/xu4e

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"

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(412): Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****" http://tfl.nu/w62j

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(314): View more from Missouri

he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.

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(314): he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it. http://tfl.nu/pdii

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me

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(717): got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me http://tfl.nu/g14l

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(808): View more from Hawaii

mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.

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(808): mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done. http://tfl.nu/ufw3

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(479): View more from Arkansas

You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.

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(479): You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it. http://tfl.nu/l6w1

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(514): View more from Quebec

I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?

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(514): I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!? http://tfl.nu/cwiy

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN

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(715): just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN http://tfl.nu/9tva

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(970): View more from Colorado

This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian

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(970): This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian http://tfl.nu/y4qc

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want to like rub my face on his abs

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I need help

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(610): I just want to like rub my face on his abs (610): I need help http://tfl.nu/fsti

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me

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(479): Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me http://tfl.nu/1kph

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(+33): View more from France

He asked me how france is treating me

(312): View more from Illinois

Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away

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(+33): He asked me how france is treating me (312): Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away http://tfl.nu/omtr

Replies (9) Good night (517) Bad night (97)

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