so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.