Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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