to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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