i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just google imaged poop.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
