i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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