I just pynch a tree in the face
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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