that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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