mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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