Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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