i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
