I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
