i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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