Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize