too bad you live with your parents still
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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