i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
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I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
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The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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