P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
