Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize