I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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