She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
